Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Before this day, I did not believe in body snatchers. Yesterday, I broke out into a hysterical, literally hysterical angry sobbing fit all over Aubree, as a result of chronic sleep deprivation. Windham has been waking up 1-3 times nightly since we transitioned to the bunk bed. And he and Harper have begun demanding their "person" during the nighttime, Windham & me, Harper & Aubree. So if Aubree tries to put him back to bed, he goes batsh*t crazy, escalating at 2-4 a.m. into a fullscale howling tantrum for 20-45 minutes, in a apartment with neighbors on 3 sides. This bothered Aubree. That our crazy children could be waking up the neighborhood.

I got the Ferber sleep book out. I read half of it, to the getting toddler to sleep after transitioning to a bed. I made a plan. I shrieked at the unfairness of our toddler commanding us around in the middle of the night. I lost control, thinking about how crazy I will seem in my first week of work, sweaty and red from my bikeride in, with black circles under my eyes and reduced attention span. Aubree agreed that priorities needed to change.

Aubree said, "Now why don't we scrap the Ferber plan. We will put a kaibosh on the 2 year old ordering us around. I will put him to bed and get up in the night with him." That very night, she put them to bed. To our surprise, Windham stayed in bed as told after stories, and Harper pulled out all the stops, shrieking like we were gutting her with a butterknife. After 30 minutes of intermittently shrieking and playing mama and baby, they were both asleep, in their beds. I was shocked.

Windham woke up one time in the night and went back to sleep calmly after Aubree escorted him back to bed. That easy. Why did I let the torture go on so long. I feel like a part of some Greek tragedy or Shakespeare play. All along, we could have put a stop to the madness, if we had just put our feet down and told Windham WE are in charge, not him. Instead, I suffered until I lost it, head to toe.

The body snatchers must have come in between 4 and 6 a.m. I was awakened, NOT by the usual whining, crying, and screaming for me to come "GET ME FOOOOOD!" NOT by little sweaty hands tugging my covers off, whining, "UPPA! UPPA!" then leaping onto my sleeping body, digging elbows and knees into my stomach and breasts. I was awakened by the children IN THEIR ROOM giggling and chattering, playing mama and baby. Of course, instead of laying in bed for as long as possible, I sat bolt upright, afraid. Something is very wrong. This has NEVER happened, in the last 4 years.

I peaked into the room to find them happily and peacefully playing together, not seeking my attention. I am certain they have been stolen or possessed by some happy fairy angels and they are waiting to jump at me, shrieking, "YOU FOOL, YOU BOUGHT IT, YOUR LITTLE DEMON CHILDREN HAVE RETURNED!" I have been monitoring them closely since that morning. I'm still not sure who these new children are or how long the body doubles will stay.